Have you ever felt stuck inside your own head? If you have you might like to hear about Jan (Not her real name), a client of mine, who came to see me recently, to let me know how her life was going and what she’s learnt in the 12 months since we worked together.
You see a year ago the bottom had fallen out of Jan’s life. She was stuck inside her own head and it felt like she was sinking in quicksand.
Let me start her story at the beginning though. Jan is an attractive lady and had met her man when she was still at school. She fell in love very young but the man she loved was a wonderful young man. Tall dark and handsome and with a good education and a career all mapped out. Nothing gave her any reason to feel uneasy. They both worked hard and between them they had a great life, saved and bought their first home and started a family.
The two girls were in their early teens when things started to go wrong. Arguments became a little more common and a little more heated and then one weekend her husband just announced he was moving out. The girls were devastated and frankly blamed their mum for dad leaving. John (not his real name either) blamed Jan and told her he just didn’t love her, the girls blamed Jan for dad leaving and even Jan was left wondering if it really was her fault. Perhaps it was. The doubt and confusion took over.
So many questions like;
- Was it actually her fault?
- What had she done to cause him to leave?
- Had John ever loved her?
- Had she ever really experienced love with John?
- Had he ever really loved the girls?
- Would anyone else ever love her?
- Was she even lovable?
A Story Of Frustration
These questions and more flew around inside her head like a colony of bats flying inside a cave. If she ever managed to coax one into landing for a while, there would be a doubt or fear or a contradictory argument, there ready to drive it back into the air. Jan’s frustration grew.
The never ending questions filled her mind and consumed her time. She began to struggle at work, making mistakes she would never have made before. She wasn’t sleeping well and felt constantly tired; too tired to make herself exercise, which made her feel even worse.
Where would you start if you were Jan? She is stuck inside her own head and doesn’t have any of the answers she needs. Friends tell her things like; Oh John was just a bastard anyway get over him. They tell her she is beautiful and will have no trouble finding someone else. Whilst encouraging, the friend’s advice does nothing to quiet the noise inside her head. In fact it makes her feel even more of a failure, now she can’t even do what makes perfectly good sense to do. Perhaps she really is going crazy.
I don’t believe that. What I do know is coming next.
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