Everything you do, everything you put up with, you do for a reason, you choose it.
It may not make much sense or it might even be self-destructive but at some level it has a pay-off or we simply wouldn’t do it.
For example we all get paid what we actually think we’re worth, even though generally everyone would say they are underpaid.
If you honestly felt you deserved more, you would go and get more. If you doubt that you could go and get more then you doubt you actually are worth more, whereas if you knew you were worth more you wouldn’t settle for less, which proves the point that you get what you believe you’re worth.
The same might apply to our life partner. If you have a low self-esteem and feel you’d be lucky to find anyone who’d want you, then you’ll settle for the first person that shows an interest. If you believe you could have the partner of your dreams you’ll keep looking until they show up, or your belief falls to a level where you do meet someone who ticks the boxes and you settle for them.
If you’re in a poor relationship, at some level you must believe it’s good enough for you or you’d be gone.
There was this city guy travelling out in rural bush country when his car broke down. Seeing a homestead not far away he set off to find help. In the yard outside the house was the owner, an agricultural man of the land. As the city guy was standing in the yard, explaining his problem he couldn’t help notice the farmer’s dog sitting on a wooden crate. The dog was obviously in discomfort and kept fidgeting, wriggling around and letting out a little yelp each time he moved. Unable to control his curiosity he asked the farmer, what’s up with your dog? Oh the farmer replied without even turning to look. There’s a nail poking out of the box and its sticking into him. Why doesn’t the dog get off then, the man asked? Oh well you see he’s uncomfortable but he’s not uncomfortable enough yet, he replied.
Have you ever felt like the dog on the crate? Uncomfortable with the way things are but not uncomfortable enough to do something about it.
If you have it maybe you felt you didn’t really deserve better or that having more just wasn’t possible for you. You decide to live a settled for life instead.
Here’s the good part though. You see you chose it. If things got worse you might chose differently. Which means the issue you faced was your own choice; if you chose it then you can choose to change it.
Use the pain of any present circumstance to give you the strength to move on. Be grateful for the pain even. If not for that pain you might stay stuck forever.