Have you ever found yourself doing something you didn’t want to do?
Like that really burning comeback you gave in the heat of an argument, or the criticism you made of your child that was really more about your anger, than their shortcoming or whinging and moaning about your life and then realising the person your whinging too actually has it much tougher than you.
If you’re human you probably have. We all get caught in our own negative emotional thoughts at times. For many those moments soon pass and seemingly effortlessly they fade away, to become just a distant memory as their life moves on.
For others those moments are like yet another heavy stone tossed into an already heavy bag of rocks on their back. Do you feel a bit like that?
The heavy bag is a constant reminder of all the previous occasions when you feel you’ve fallen short of your own expectations. And so the journey continues, like a long march with a full pack. No joy, no letup, life becomes just a steady grind only punctuated by the addition of another rock.
Putting down your heavy load
Here’s the thing though.
It really is possible to put that bag down and leave it behind.
The past does not have to dictate the future. True, sadly people often let it, but it doesn’t have to.
So how do you do that?
How do you put down a bag you’ve got so used to carrying, that walking without it feels wrong?
1. Believe that it’s possible. If you take the position that I’ll believe it when you see it (as many do), you never will see it. You have to believe it’s possible and then you’ll see it. Notice I didn’t say you have to believe it’s done, just believe it’s possible. Great question here is this, has anyone ever been carrying their bag of rocks, struggling with life but successfully put it down and gone on to live a happy and fulfilled life? I’ll help you out. The answer is obviously YES. If just one other person has done it, is it just possible you could too? The answer has to be another YES.
2. Why haven’t you already put that bag down? Honestly, as crazy as that sounds, there might be a reason why carrying that bag seems like a better choice than putting it down. Sometimes it’s the safety of the familiar, sometimes it’s the sympathy we can get, sometimes it’s because if we’re carrying this big bag no-one is going to ask much else of us. Digging out any hidden benefits of hanging onto that bag might be part of the process of letting it go.
3. Create new neural pathways. Neural pathways are the paths created in out brain that allow us to learn and do repetitive things, like for example riding a bike. When we first try to ride a bike we have no neural pathway for that task. Our brain has never done it before so by practice and repetition we have to train our brain for that task. Once done we will never have to relearn it. You might get a bit rusty but you’ll never have to create those pathways again. The same is true for behaviour and thought patterns. If you have created neural pathways that are accustomed to you feeling depressed, tired and confused. Then unless you create some new and different ones the tendency is for your brain to slip back into the old ways. Taking some decisive steps to deliberately create new healthy pathways is an essential part of the change process.
If anything here resonates with you and you want to be putting down your heavy load today, please contact me now.